Mistress's Journal Pt. 03: Abandon

Pt. 3 -- Abandon

The following morning, I called Steven to invite him over. I had no illusions about what would happen. I wanted him so badly. I wasn't purposely planning anything, but I knew that I could just let things happen naturally, because I was sure they would. I needed to feel his embrace, hear his voice, just be close to him.

He arrived at about 11:30 a.m. I made a quick lunch with sandwiches, fruit, and chips. We ate and talked at the dining room table.

"Not as fancy as your cooking last night," I quipped.

"I'll have to give you classes," Steven chuckled.

"I already know how to cook!"

"Sure you do. That's why we're having sandwiches," he teased.

"You're impossible!"

"You know I'm teasing you!?"

" I do, and you're so mean!"

Steven laughed loudly in response to my pouting. I couldn't keep up the act and started laughing too.

"Movie?" I suggested after our lunch was finished.

He looked at me sheepishly before answering, "Sure, your choice."

"Sounds familiar," I blushed.

Steven moved confidently to the couch, placing his arm along the back. I nestled close to him after starting the movie. His hand played with my long, dark blonde hair, pulling it away from my neck and letting it cascade down. Each time, the tickle of the returning hair sent shivers up my spine. When his fingers brushed the base of my neck, I looked up at him.

"What?" he asked.

I rested my palm on his chest, scooting closer, and kissed him-a long, slow, lingering kiss.

"Oh," he smiled, kissing me in return.

I leaned back on the couch, propping myself on two of the pillows resting there, placed my arm behind my head. Like a prowling panther, Steven crawled forward. He kissed me again, squishing me against the pillows. His hand cupped and squeezed first one breast and then the other.

"I think these need to come off," he chided as he peeled off the jean shorts I was wearing.

He slid down my body until I could feel his moist, hot breath against the panties I was now sticking to. His large hand pressed again my mound, and I responded. I felt his finger slide under the elastic on the inside of my leg and then into my drenched pussy. Oh, god, I wanted him! I wanted to feel his tongue on me, licking me. His mouth sucking on me, causing those magnificent waves of pleasure to wrack my body.

Steven could sense my desire, feeling how wet I had gotten in the short time we had spent together.

I pressed my heels into the couch, lifting my buttocks, and he peeled away my panties. Immediately, his hands parted my lips, and he managed one, long, slow lick from my hole to my clit, making me squirm and moan. As he sucked my clit into his mouth, he placed two fingers inside of me.

As good as it felt, after a few minutes, I asked him to stop. There was a puzzled hurt look on his face until I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. He grabbed my face and kissed me. I twisted so his back was now towards the bed, then gently pushed him backward.

"Hey!" he exclaimed as he bounced on top of the mattress.

I was busy undoing the fastening of his pants, button, and zipper. He removed his shoes, and I helped him shimmy out of his bottoms. He quickly removed his t-shirt on his own and scooted a little farther onto the bed.

I had never wanted someone so badly! Certainly not bad enough to throw them on the bed and straddle them. But, that's what I did to Steven. I crawled atop him and eased my soaking pussy onto his flagpole stiff dick. I heard him moan and smiled, knowing he must be enjoying me being on top. I knew I sure was! He was so deep inside of me, deeper than either of the times before.

I moved slowly at first, in small circles, then up and down. Steven's hands caressed my thighs. His thumb found my clit. I maintained my pattern of small circles then moved back and forth, finally finding a rhythm. As my pace increased the power of my forward strokes rocked Steven.

"Go girl," he encouraged. "You feel sooo good."

Soon, I was moving frantically, Steven thrusting against me, keeping pace. His eyes were closed, his mouth open in the shape of an O. I leaned back a little, continuing to thrust as hard as I could. His legs began to tremble, and I could tell he was going to cum soon. Steven was grasping my legs as we rocked together. I tightened my pubic muscles as he let go and kept riding him, but more slowly.

Steven placed his hands on my ass and pulled me forward. So, I leaned forward, and we kissed. "Incredible," he muttered. I laughed and kissed him playfully before sliding from the bed and looking at the clock.

"Oh, geez! I have to be at work in 30 minutes," I squeaked.

"Call in," Steven told me as he slid to the edge of the bed and placed his hands on my hips.

"My manager's a real jerk! He hates when we call in."

"I'm positive he'll understand, " he laughed.

"Besides, I'm the closing manager. The ONLY one!"

"Oh, should I come in?" he shuffled closer, nuzzling my breast with his cheek.

"No, I'll be fine."

"All beyoğlu escort right. I'll just go home to my empty house," Steven pouted.

"You're so bad!"

We kissed goodbye inside. Steven left first, and I followed shortly after.

Whenever my mind wasn't busy, I thought of Steven. I remembered the little gifts he would leave in my car for me. Small things that he noticed I liked. His thoughtfulness when he brought me lunch. My heart was full. I was so completely in love with him. Yet, there were moments I felt guilty about cheating on Peter, not often. I loved Steven too much for it to feel wrong, though I knew society saw it as such.

My two worlds collided a few days later when Peter interpreted what I thought was a friendly conversation with Steven as something else. Promptly after I got off the phone, he confronted me in the kitchen.

"Who were you talking to?" he asked.

"I was just talking to Steven from work."

"You've become pretty close to Steven haven't you?"

"We are friends."

"It sounded like more than a friendly conversation to me. You were doing a lot of whispering like you didn't want me to hear what you were saying."

"We're just friends."

"Are you sure that's all?"

"Yeah."

"That doesn't sound very convincing. You've been spending a lot of time with him lately and talking to him a lot, too."

I was silent because I didn't know how to respond to that. I guess I hadn't really been aware of whether Peter noticed my growing relationship with Steven.

He continued, "I'm just going to ask you point-blank. Are you in love with Steven?"

I stood in stunned silence for a moment. Was I supposed to lie to him and say 'No way, don't be silly.' Did I dare to tell him the truth?

He was staring at me intensely, obviously upset by the fact that I had to think about his question, and I had not immediately denied having feelings for Steven.

I answered with the only thing that I could think of. It was the only honest thing I could say. It was the only thing that came to my mind, the only words my throat would produce at the moment.

"I don't know." And it hung there between us for what seemed like an eternity. I couldn't look at Peter's face. Tears were streaming down my own. I was in torment-not wanting to let go of either facet of my life. Not knowing what to do, what to say.

Finally, he broke the stillness with an ultimatum: "Well, you better figure it out and pretty damn quick!"

I slept in the guest room that night, trying to sort through my feelings. I was tired but couldn't sleep. I felt like crying, but I had no tears left. I knew that I was in love with Steven. Did I still love Peter? I was so sure before we got married.

Later in the week, Jess stopped by the store to see Steven while he was working. He introduced me, and I could sense that she did not like me. Her look was cool as she said hello, then turned away from me quickly to touch Steven's chest possessively. As she got ready to leave, she kissed Steven and then glanced back at me.

That night as we held each other after the deposit was made, I related the encounter with Peter to Steven.

"Wow, you were brave! Did you really tell him that?"

"Yes. I didn't know what else to say. What would you have done?"

"When Jess asked me if we were having an affair, I denied it."

"She asked you that!?"

"Yes, a couple of times."

"No wonder she was shooting daggers at me today!"

Steven laughed, squeezing me tighter. "Sorry! I'm sure she can sense how hard I've fallen for you."

"But you deny that?"

"I don't really have a choice. So, yes."

"Even though you say you've fallen for me, that you love me?"

"I do! I love you more than I have ever loved anybody before," he said as he held my gaze, my face in his hands.

I gripped Steven's shirt collar and pulled his lips to mine, kissing him deeply. I melted into him as we kissed, and his arms tightened around me like a boa constrictor. His erection poked into me, and though I knew I shouldn't have because we were out in the open I allowed my hand to stroke him, tease him. His bulge grew, straining against his slacks to be freed.

His hand traveled to my posterior, cupping both cheeks and lifting me slightly from the asphalt of the parking lot. I was acutely aware of the flooding of my loins as we began to rub against each other, our lips still locked. I increased the friction I was creating by my contact with Steven's penis. My need for him was overwhelming.

Steven's hand moved to my blouse and he began unbuttoning my shirt. His mouth left mine to tantalize my neck. His hand tugged my blouse to expose my breast and he hungrily sucked my nipple into his mouth after brushing my bra aside. A gentle breeze had a cooling effect that only seemed to heighten the burning inside both of us.

"We shouldn't," I cautioned. "Someone might see us."

"It's dark," Steven whispered, and then continued to coax my nipple to hardness with his warm, wet tongue.

"But.."

"I merter escort want you, here, now."

"I want you too, but...," I panted, trying to talk Steven out of carrying on.

"We can use the back seat. It's been a while since I've had to do that!" He laughed.

"God," I moaned, "I want you Steven."

"You have me! All you have to do is take me. So...take me!"

Our kisses had become more passionate, our hands more insistent. Steven's back had been resting along the side of his car, but his arms forced me to swing around, taking his place. He pushed me forcefully into the back panel and reached over to open the door behind the driver's seat. My head was spinning, overcome with desire to have Steven. I didn't resist when he maneuvered me into the back seat.

I reached for Steven's belt, pulling him to me. I undid his belt and zipper, wrenching his slacks and underwear past his manhood. I had a perfect view of his magnificent machine as it popped free. I stroked its length, admiring its stiffness and imagining it squeezing into my tight hole. My hand clenched around it circumference, massaging him.

Steven was busy removing my panties which were thoroughly sodden with the secretions he had enticed from my body.

"I love how absolutely wet you get," he said, astonished as he pushed up the long skirt I was wearing, baring my snatch. "I can see it glistening in your hair."

"Enough talk," I groaned, grasping at Steven.

He drove his cock into me with fervor, burying himself deep inside me and we mashed our hips together. His thrust was so strong it propelled me further into the car. One of my legs had been resting on the back of the seat while the other was on the floor. I raised the leg to the headrest and hooked my heel behind it to widen my area for Steven as his steady thrusts cajoled squeals and moans from deep within me.

Steven's mouth went back to the breast he had popped from the cup of my bra. The compression of his lips around my areola shot tingles through my upper body as the constant pounding of his cock sent shivers through my lower body. The hunger of his mouth matched the insistence of his thrusts and I clawed at his back, his ass, trying to pull him closer, deeper. I felt tension building to an apex in my muscles and legs. My body was taut as it began to spasm.

I could feel Steven's moan rumble through my breast as I came. His long, deep strokes continued as my body jerked, but his mouth moved to mine. I kissed him ravenously. Though I had come, my hunger for Steven sharpened. I increased my strokes into him intent on extracting every moment of ecstasy from our coupling.

He sensed the renewed energy of my movements and it spurred him to impale me with his cock even harder. He moved in and out of me faster, pressed deeper until his motions became more spasmodic. I knew he was close to coming. I moved my hips in a circular pattern, lifting my buttocks slightly and pulling the muscles of my core to tighten my canal around him. As he flooded me with his cum, I contracted and loosened my pelvic muscles, massaging his cock and milking every drop from him.

Exhaling a rush of breath, Steven collapsed on top of me. I purred contentedly as I dotted his forehead with kisses, brushed hair out of his eyes. His head rested on my sternum as the energy drained from him, but he playfully toyed with my breast by tracing circles around the nipple with his finger. We idled in the backseat about five minutes longer before composing ourselves.

Once Steven had pulled me prone from the backseat, he smoothed my hair, brushed the back of his hand along my chin and kissed me tenderly. I perched my forehead on his chin and felt the heat of his lips against the top of my head as he kissed my hair. I played with the edge of his shirt next to the buttons, moving up and down. Neither of us wanted to break this intimate moment. So, we simply stayed frozen in time, relishing the emotion bond between us.

"I don't want to leave you," I said in a hushed voice snuggling into Steven, my forearms contacting with his chest.

"I know. I feel the same."

Steven walked me to my car and we kissed. As I crouched to sit in the car, I realized I didn't have my panties on.

"Steven," I called to him as he walked away. "Did you see where my underwear went?"

He laughed as he neared his car searching for them. "Located!" he called back.

I met him between our cars to retrieve the wayward undergarment.

"Maybe I should just keep these as a souvenir," he teased, balling them up in his fist. He brought the fist toward his face and sniffed. "Mmm, your scent is all over these."

"I can't go home without panties!"

"As much as I might want to keep these, I can't," he sighed.

I grabbed from his hand and quickly squirmed into them. I stamped my legs and flattened my skirt before I gingerly walked back to my car, Steven behind me.

"You look like you're walking funny."

"They're a little uncomfortable right now!" I joked.

A bağcılar escort rolling laugh erupted from Steven. I was close enough that he caught my swinging arm and twirled me into an embrace. Kissing the top of my head again, he stated enthusiastically, "Ah, I love you!", and chuckled.

I nuzzled into his neck and tickled his ear as I said, "If we don't go now, we're going to wind up in the backseat again."

"That wouldn't be a bad thing, but it has gotten pretty late and we should go."

With a final, mutual squeeze, we parted.

*****************************

Fate has a cruel sense of humor. As Steven and I continued to grow closer, he told me that Jess was pregnant. The doctor was monitoring her closely due to her previous miscarriages. He expressed mixed feelings. He was happy about the prospect of becoming a father, but he was conflicted about his feelings for me. He continued to tell me he loved me.

Oh, why couldn't life be so much simpler? Just a few days after announcing that Jess was pregnant with their first child, Steven asked me to run away with him. "Leave Peter and run away with me," he said. It seemed surreal, like something out of a movie instead of my life. I asked him if he could really leave Jess. He said yes, but hesitated. I knew he was thinking about the baby. I knew him well enough to know that he so wants to be a father and that he will be a great one! He would hate himself for leaving that child. That could eventually translate to him hating me. I couldn't bear that. Because I loved him, I had to let him go.

Besides, I wasn't sure I didn't love Peter. Yes, I knew for certain that I loved Steven, more than I had ever loved anyone before. But, could I walk away from Peter right now? I was still finishing college was so close to having my degree. Would I be able to continue? What would my life be like? Peter and Jess were unlikely to make it easy for either of us. I had only been married for two and a half years. Steven had only been married a year longer. Where would we go? Could we stay in the same town or would we have to move? What would we do? I was confident that Steven could find a solid job, but without a degree, I doubted I could. I was so conflicted. So, I told him that I couldn't run away with him. I couldn't leave Peter, the life I had.

My heart ached terribly. It literally ached. I had trouble breathing as I thought about what my decision meant. After we parted, a piece of me longed to call Steven and tell him I had changed my mind, for weeks. Tell him that I did desperately want to be with him, to run away with him, and build a new life together. But my better nature told me it would be selfish and that I must be the strong one.

Jess could have another miscarriage, I told myself. But, somehow, I knew that this pregnancy would not end that way. Call it a premonition. It would be fate's way of getting back at me! This would be my punishment for breaking my marriage vows would be to have Steven ripped away from me, though he wasn't truly mine. The news of the pregnancy forced me to face the reality of that. As much as I loved his and believed he loved me, we belonged to other people, not to each other.

Steven continued to leave me little presents and buy me lunches or dinners. We talked less after his plea for me to leave, and it seemed we worked together less often as well. It hurt too much, for me at least. I didn't know how he felt. I wouldn't allow myself to broach the topic with him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to cause him the pain I was. How I wanted to reach out to him, hold him, kiss him and comfort him. The sheer force needed to keep me from doing that exhausted me. I wanted to do nothing but sleep.

I was moody with him in our brief conversations and could not fully explain why. I knew that I was hurting him. I didn't want to, but I couldn't continue to be the same way with him. I couldn't touch him, kiss him, hold him. I couldn't color our conversations with banter laden with innuendos like I used to do. I feared I would reverse my decision and ruin both of our lives-not to mention Peter's and Jess's and their unborn child's. The selfish part of me said to hell with everybody else. Still, I knew that I couldn't be that way. It was not in me. It was not that I didn't love Steven enough. It was that I loved him too much.

*********************

A month after Jess delivered their healthy baby girl, Steven explained to me that the company was transferring him out of state. I was speechless, numb. As difficult as those last months had been, tortuous, I couldn't imagine my life without him in it, without seeing him, talking to him.

"You're leaving?" I choked out. "Where are they sending you?"

"Taos," he answered. "It's not that far away if you think about it."

"But it's not here."

"True."

I had turned away from him trying to hide my feelings, the conflict wreaking havoc in my brain. I felt dizzy and needed to brace myself. So, I leaned my elbows on the desk for support as we talked. My eyes were searching Steven's, though I was unsure what exactly I was looking for in his brown eyes, his body language and demeanor. When his gaze locked with mine, I dropped my eyes and realized where I had propped myself. A phantom sensation of Steven's mouth on me, his hands grazing my thigh and his cock filling during our first session of intercourse assaulted me.